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The Budget Wars . . . . . . As we put this to paper, but there might be many changes that take place. But, here’s the way it looks for now:

A Cardiologist’s Funeral . . . . .A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life. A huge heart . . . .covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever! At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, “I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral . . . . . I’m a gynecologist.” The priest fainted! (Smith & Dunbar)

Wireless Customers . . . . . Cisco Systems reported that the top 1 percent of wireless data customers account for 20 percent of traffic. In any other industry, this market segment would be called “loyal customers.” Casinos call them “whales” and give them free hotel rooms and special tables with high limits. Wireless carriers punish their whales. Verizon has hinted that, like AT&T, it plans to move to tiered pricing later this year. Meanwhile, according to analyst Craig Moffett of AllianceBerstein, AT&T is quietly letting some customers who used to have unlimited plans return to them. Carriers are playing two games of chicken simultaneously. First, among themselves: Each wants to earn more per customer by charging extra above a certain data limit, but none wants to be the first to do so. Second, with the rest of us: How low can they cap data without offending too many customers? [Now here’s the heart of the matter] It’s hard to tell how much carriers pay wholesale to provide bandwidth to customers. According to John Hodulik, an analyst for UBS, “It’s just not something the telcos discuss.” A paper last year by Merrill Lynch calculated $3 per gig and falling. (Verizon and AT&T declined to provide figures.) Assuming that estimate is correct, almost every customer is buying data at a painful markup. AT&T’s basic plan is 0.2 gigs for $15 a month, which equals $75 per gig. That’s a 2,500 percent markup over the cost of goods for, according to Cisco, almost three-quarters of all mobile users. For AT&T’s next tier, the markup drops to about 400 percent. (Bloomberg Businessweek)

“The successful man is the one who finds out what is the matter with his business before his competitors do.” Roy L. Smith

Ron and Sam . . . . . . . met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Ron didn’t show up. Sam didn’t think much about it, and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Ron hadn’t shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn’t know where Ron lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Ron, but one day, Sam approached the park and . . . lo and behold . . . there sat Ron! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, “For crying out load Ron...what in the world happened to you?” “Jail!” cried Sam. “What in the world for?” “Well,” Ron said, “There’s this cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go. She went nuts and filed rape charges against me. At 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled GUILTY. The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.” (Fournier)

Next Season on “Survivor” . . . . . . . Have you heard about the next planned "Survivor" show? Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped in an elementary school classroom for 1 school year. Each business person will be provided with a copy of his/her school district's curriculum, and a class of 20-25 students. Each class will have a minimum of five learning-disabled children, three with ADHD., one gifted child, and two who speak limited English. Three students will be labeled with severe behavior problems. Each business person must complete lesson plans at least 3 days in advance, with annotations for curriculum objectives, and modify, organize, or create their materials accordingly. They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and arrange parent conferences. They must also stand in their doorway between class changes to monitor the hallways. In addition, they will complete fire drills, tornado drills, and [Code Red] drills for shooting attacks each month. They must attend workshops, faculty meetings, and attend curriculum development meetings. They must also tutor students who are behind and strive to get their 2 non-English speaking children proficient enough to take the SOLS tests. If they are sick or having a bad day they must not let it show. Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science, and social studies into the program. They must maintain discipline and provide an educationally stimulating environment to motivate students at all times. If all students do not wish to cooperate, work, or learn, the teacher will be held responsible. The business people will only have access to the public golf course on the weekends, but with their new salary, they will not be able to afford it. There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch will be limited to thirty minutes, which is not counted as part of their work day. The business people will be permitted to use a student restroom, as long as another survival candidate can supervise their class. If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary materials before, or after, school. However, they cannot surpass their monthly limit of copies. The business people must continually advance their education, at their expense, and on their own time. The winner of this Season of Survivor will be allowed to return to their job. (Scheu)

America’s Most Affluent Neighborhoods . . . The Jonas Brothers’ Texas hometown tops the list. But New York’s Long Island is where the wealthy really congregate:

1. Town of Westlake, Texas - Median Income: $250,000. 2. Village of Kenilworth, Ill. - Median income: $247,000. 3. Tie - Mission Hills, Kansas & Popponesset Island, Mass. - Median Income $243,000. 5. Village of Plandome, NY - Median income $239,000. 6 Village of Hewlett Neck, NY - Median income $237,000. 7. Village of Munsey Park, NY - Median income $233,000. 8. Village of Plandome Manor, NY - Median income $234,000.

9. Tie - North Beach, FL & Village of Chevy Chase Section Five, MD - Median income $233,000. (U.S. Census)

Government Programs	Fiscal ‘12 Request (in billions)	Fiscal ‘12 Share	Fiscal ‘09 Share	Fiscal ‘69 Share
Social Security	$767	20.6%	19.4%	13.4%
Defense	738	19.8	18.8	46
Medicare	492	13.2	12.2	2.3
Medicaid	269	7.2	7.1	1.1
Net interest on debt	242	6.5	5.3	6.2
Veterans (benefits, medical)	125	3.3	2.7	3.9
Civilian, military retirement	123	3.3	3.5	2.3
Transportation	105	2.8	2.4	3.4
Unemployment payments	96	2.6	3.5	1.7
Food Stamps	80	2.2	1.6	0
Education	71	1.9	1.5	2.3
Health research and services	65	1.7	1.6	1.7
International aid	63	1.7	1.5	2.8
Housing subsidies	61	1.6	1.5	0
Law enforcement	59	1.6	1.5	0.6
Homeland security	47	1.3	1.5	0.6
Low-income tax credit	47	1.3	1.2	0
Supplemental Security Income	44	1.2	1.2	0
Science and space	32	0.9	0.8	2.8
Nutrition programs	26	0.7	0.6	0
Environment and resources	24	0.6	0.6	0.6
Family Support (welfare)	21	0.6	0.7	1.7
Agriculture (subsidies, etc.)	19	0.5	0.5	2.8
Disaster relief	11	0.3	0.5	0
Other (energy, commerce, etc.)	105	2.8	8.8	3.9
Total (after rounding)	$3,732	100%	100%	100%